BEING ON THE OUTSIDE AND TRYING TO LOOK IN AND UNDERSTAND

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  This entry sort of relates to the entry below it, especially for those who have partners or children with epilepsy. Eventhough I myself have epilepsy i know what it is like to look in from the outside. My first experience was when I was in my late teens and my first serious girlfriend. Her name was Julie and she had grand mal seizures, Eventhough they shouldn't have surprised or stunned me every so often they did when she would have them in front of me. Especially when they were really big ones and I had to unstiffen her body so she didn't come out totally feeling like her muscles atrophied on her. I know she would feel like that because at times after grand mal I had seizures made me feel that way. 

 At the same time I felt paralyzed as first off she was the first epileptic I had spent tons of time with. So it was a very new experience for me well semi new because I knew my feelings after seizures, so wasn't totally a new thing. Or wasn't something I had seen on t.v . Or heard from Dr like many on the outside. Or even doing research by reading books about it.

 Then I remember when I first met a friend Jenny she had a hard time admitting that she had epilepsy because unless you knew what you were looking for you'd never see or know she had a seizure. Much like some of mine now, so she would and still denies it after a seizure if it a friend who doesn't fully understand, but Eventhough she thinks she can it doesn't go by me. So I try to calm her not let her get upset. 

 Then of course there is my friend Lyndsay who is a 50/50 dosent like admitting seizures are effecting her but she knows her bf and I can spot them. Because 99% percent of her seizures only happened in bed in the past until 2 years ago she was kind of shocked time as well. I missed catching her from falling once but fortunately she comes out very quickly so she doesn't take long to recover. Still like my girlfriend who had them after this experience it was a heart stopping moment for a moment. 

That is my look for the outside. Well my look when I'm not the one having the seizure the one who needs to comfort. It is definitely a very interesting view on both sides for ne

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