BETWEEN A TWO AND THREE DAY AVERAGE

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  Over i would say the last fifteen years or so of my life I have become more and more concerned and conscious of my own seizures. Such as where I was, who I was with, where I was going all kinds of different things. One of the things that made me more conscious was not realizing I was frustration with never seeing any of my Dr's alone. Didn't matter if it was family heart or my neurologist. I was never there alone. I was always accused of not knowing what to say or ask, it was hard as over the years they were doing all the talking and as hard as I tried I couldn't keep up. So I was just in a state of ok this is it 

 Many times a few hours after or even just before an appointment I would have a seizure or two. This was my anxiety kicking in on me. Now mind  you not a fear triggered anxiety a frustration trigger of anxiety knowing I was being held by the hand. 

 Now my biggest trigger has always been relationships I have tried forever to kill that one. Nothing I do seems to work however. Each time I'm in a relationship or have been in the past my seizures skyrocket this has been true with all but one. I'm not sure what it is. 

 Another trigger relationship wise was with my last two because my mom and dad saw right away what I didn't sometimes I wasn't 100% honest. For instance if my last gf and I were doing a group thing I usually said was going to hang with friend's. Because I lied to mom and dad that was a major trigger for sure that normally lead to bigger seizures. That was a write off for next day. 

 Well I know what it was in my last one, needing to be the ultimate centre of everything. Thinking they were entitled special beyond special and if my closest friends knew something. They deserved to know. In this relationship my seizures went up and down more than a trick yo yo and the stress would someway's and someday give me three or four.

 I'm not sure what was but I continued to try. Ever since everything relationship wise fully ended im back to my Two and Three maximum daily average. Mind you I am getting more free runs and truly am grateful for that. 

 No matter the cause I'm now i am in good place. My mind is clear well fairly and except for the pandemic thing. I'm pretty at peace even with the seizures daily I love the support of my family 👪. 

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